God makes all things new in His perfect timing. I know this. I've said this over and over in my walk as a Christian. It is a foundational truth of the Bible. Lately, I have been rushing God though instead of resting in His peace and timing. I am fundamentally flawed, selfish and want our life back. Did I say that? Yes...
It's been 8 months since our life was upended and frankly, I'm tired. This journey has been an emotional roller coaster for all of us. We have that one last angiogram looming over us. I really wanted to stomp my foot like my five year old yesterday when the angiogram was post-poned a week. "God.... I really wanted to spend Thanksgiving thanking you for David's healing". Ugh! I am so selfish! How could I react with disappointment knowing how precisely God has managed David's healing?
Behold, I make all things new.--Revelations 21:5 God, I want the new- now! But the truth is I want our life back the way it was. Will it be calmer, hopefully. But God has made us all new. We understand our interdependence on one another; just as we have interdependence on the community of Christ. Yes, David is healing and continuing to make progress. Truly he is 100% better than he was in April. It amazing how David's health affects everything in our family. God truly has designed the roles of fathers in His infinite wisdom. I am no substitute for a Godly strong father. Out of necessity I have had to be disciplinarian during this time. This is not the way God designed a family to operate. Don't get me wrong, I am a strong, strict disciplinarian but I am not strong like my husband. He provides a quiet, calm, unwavering God given strength. He is the rock in our family. I am thankful beyond measure that God spared him for I am not adequate. I need him. My kids need him.
I saw the end of the line and started sprinting. I lost focus on God's truth. Just when I thought I couldn't make it one more day without Dr. Morsi giving us an all clear.... God says, "wait". God is reminding me to let go that He is still in control. To live my life waiting on Him.... that is the goal.
Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.--Phillipians 4:6
